Contract, renegotiated

I have decided to adopt Dave.

I have not taken this decision lightly, and I have done so in consultation with and with the blessing of my previous owner. After several chats with her recently, it is clear that Dave needs someone to look after him and keep him on the straight and narrow, as it were. I feel I am best suited to do this and so I will be moving in permanently.

As a result, the contract that was in place, and which I told you about here has been renegotiated. I say negotiated, I mean it has been changed by me. After all, I know best in these matters and Dave would only get confused and wander around in circles. He’s getting on a bit, you see.

Rules concerning the bed, sofa and food remain the same, i.e. they are mine. But now I have had to add a clause about the bed that Dave uses. It’s a bit big for him on his own, so I will also take ownership of it, with the understanding that for the time being he can use it whenever he wants. (I find that when there is thunder and lightning around, he gets a little nervous, so I join him on the bed to settle him).

I’ve noticed Dave has put on a few pounds recently and so I have introduced a clause in the contract that states that he must exercise, under my supervision, at least five times a week. It’s for his own good. Poor weather is not an excuse, although to hear him moan and groan you’d thing the rain was going to melt him. I have a number of excellent routes for him to train on and it is only coincidence that they allow me to explore my world and leave my mark on lamp posts, trees, bins, walls, bushes… ahem.

The standard of food must improve. I like a variety of meals and have recently enjoyed Mediterranean Chicken and Italian beef stew. I see no reason why this standard of cuisine should cease.

For the time being, that is it but the contract is quite fluid and over the coming weeks I expect to put a few more clauses in, for his own good of course.

Rufus

Me and Dave on Cefn Bryn

 

 

 

 

Advertisement

Contract

An agreement in law between Me (Rufus) and you (Dave), setting out the terms and conditions by which you must abide when playing host to Me.

1. A bed must be provided, with clean bedding. I am not required to use it, but it must be available at all times.

2. Access to the garden must be provided on call, 24hrs a day, 7 days a week. Weather conditions will not prevent access. Interruption of a good film is not a sufficient excuse to prevent access. Neither is reading a good book, enjoying a cup of coffee or using the computer. Being asleep may, depending on the hour, be used to delay the garden visit, but in any case by no more than 30 minutes.

3. Food must be provided on tap. Your food is my food but my food is most definitely not your food.

4. If I am lying on your lap, you may not disturb me. You do not need to get up. There are no circumstances that require you to disturb me except for paragraph 2, above.

5. I do not at any time require a shower. If I smell like a farmyard, it is because I want to smell like a farmyard.

6. The sofa is mine. You may have paid for it, but it is mine. I allow you to use it at my discretion. You do not need more that 30cm width and any more is a luxury.